“My kid went off to kindergarten and came home with an attention-deficit disorder.”

The fictional interviewer (FI) finally agreed to interview Don Asbridge (DA) for a million dollars.  This shrink apparently doesn't want his job anymore - and he seemingly wants to put you out of work!

FI:   “I have to give you credit... you sure know how to make friends.  You want to put all school psychologists out of a job.  I imagine quite a few of them will soon be lining up at your doorstep to be, uh, speaking with you.”
DA:  “They had to pay you a million dollars to interview me?”

FI:   “Yeah.  I was the lowest bidder... I lost.”
DA:  “So someone's actually paying a million dollars to read this?”

FI:   “Um, sure... that would be a great way for you to look at this.  But remember, I'm the one asking the questions.  How dare you go after another person's job.”
DA:  “Okay, let's get this straight right from the start.  I'm not saying take away psychologists - school psychologists provide outstanding services for students.  I'm saying take away psychological diagnosis in the schools.”

FI:   “What's the difference?  That's what shrinks do, right?  Diagnose?  If they're not diagnosing, then what are they doing?”
DA:  “Well, they could be providing quality educational, mental health, and psychological interventions for students.”

FI:   “But the teachers need to know if the student has been diagnosed with a learning disability in order to teach them correctly.”
DA:  “Teachers want to know if the kid has a learning disability so they can ship the kid out of their class so the teacher's test scores won't be low.”

FI:   “But the teachers need to know if the student has been diagnosed with an emotional disturbance in order to teach them correctly.”
DA:  “In eighteen years I have never seen a student's education improve once they've been labeled with an emotional disturbance.”

FI:   “You're looking at this backwards.  A student needs a diagnosis to receive a free and appropriate education.”
DA:  “You're right... I'm looking at this backwards because the process is backwards.  Listen to what you just said:  “a student needs a label to receive a free and appropriate education'?  If so, why can't that label just be 'student'?”

FI:   “You don't seem to be taking the responsibilities and duties of your job very seriously.  Parents, teachers, and students need to know a student's diagnosis.”
DA:  “Why?”

 “Although my eyes were wide open, they might just as well been closed.”
       Procol Harum, A Whiter Shade of Pale

FI:   “But with the diagnosis, we were able to find out he sometimes gets distracted, sometimes doesn't pay attention, and sometimes bounces off the walls.”
DA:  “You needed a professional to tell you that?  Sounds like a typical kindergartener to me.”

FI:   “But then we knew he was different.  We had it in writing.  It was official.  And then we were able to put him on some pretty powerful medications.”
DA:  “Did you read the label on the bottle?  Were you aware of all the side effects to those meds?”

FI:   “But you're missing the point.  This diagnosis set the stage for the rest of his educational career - and the rest of his life!  You see, with the AD/HD diagnosis, we weren't surprised to hear he was falling behind academically in the first grade - in fact, we expected it!  We planned for it.  And because of that diagnosis we were able to start holding low expectations for him and we continue to hold low expectations for him to this day.  We knew right away not to expect anything good from him.  And we weren't surprised when we heard he was diagnosed with a conduct disorder first thing in second grade because we were fortunate to have a school psychologist who explained to us that he wasn't a 'bad kid,' but that his behaviors were due to his AD/HD.  After that, we never really had to provide discipline in the home... you know, because these attention problems and behavior problems go hand-in-hand... there's a correlation.  That's another reason that understanding these diagnosis is so important for parents.  But the school was to blame from the very start.  They knew he had attention difficulties and wouldn't provide the interventions he required.”
DA:  “That's what I'm proposing here... that we provide interventions.  That the school could maybe provide something more than just having these young children sit bored for seven hours a day with only a diagnosis branded into their foreheads.”

FI:   “In all fairness, I have to point out that the teachers provided the same interventions for our son that they provided for the twenty-seven other AD/HD students in the classroom, but he still got scolded a few times and was suspended for a few recesses, irreparably harming his self-esteem.  Then he kind of withdrew from things... he just quietly sat there, appearing to listen - he even turned in some work... some of it was high-quality stuff.  He was almost like a normal child for awhile.  That was when we became very concerned.  Thankfully, a psychologist was able to help us understand that he had Asperger's Syndrome.  I have to point out that we received great psychological services that year - he got not one, but two diagnosis in second grade!”
DA:  “What did the schools do to address his Asperger's Syndrome?”

“...There is no reason... and the truth is plain to see.”
       Procol Harum, A Whiter Shade of Pale

FI:   “He got pretty fat that year.  Thank goodness the schools identified his learning disability in his third grade year and he started special education.”
DA:  “How did that work out?”

FI:   “He's still in special education, and it's worked out great.  He had a second grade reading level when he started, and by the end of his high school career, he had raised his reading performance to the third grade level.  But there's more I have to share about how psychological diagnosis has helped my kid.  In fourth grade an alert neuropsychologist gave him a test and recognized he had a chemical imbalance... a brain disorder... and was able to get him on a more intensive schedule of medications as well as regular CAT scans and MRIs.”
DA:  “I bet that's helped a lot.”

FI:   “Well, at least we were assured that his brain disorder was being addressed and we think that helped him get through part of the fourth grade year, at least until he was diagnosed with clinical depression.  He was a pretty sad little kid that year, and it didn't help that my wife and I were constantly fighting.”
DA:  “There was marital discord?”

FI:   “It was a tough year.  I pretty much was drinking every night, I was out carousing, sometimes I slapped my wife around...”
DA:  “What did you do to help your son deal with all that family conflict?”

FI:   “We got him on some more meds.”
DA:  “Hopefully that helped?”

FI:   “Oh, yes... he pretty much slept through most of those problems - man, he was a vegetable... he was on just about every medication known to humankind - he was like some Coke addict or something... a zombie... completely whacked!  It was pretty wild!  I have to admit though, I wasn't prepared for his fifth grade year.  Things were getting pretty chaotic by then.  Thank goodness we found an advocate who was able to administer a myriad of tests and found out he had a bipolar disorder.  It was a miracle that we found her.  My wife and I would have never survived that year without that diagnosis and prayer.  We finally understood why he was having good, then bad, days - it all was because of his bipolar disorder.”
DA:  “I'm glad the diagnosis was so helpful.  Did things start to improve?”

FI:   “Yeah, I'd say!  His sixth grade year was spectacular!  Probably his best year in education.  You know, hormones and all.  The clinical psychologist said his problems were due to normal kid stuff... an adjustment disorder.”
DA:  “I don't understand... you said it was his best year ever, but he was diagnosed with an adjustment disorder?”

FI:   “Yeah.”
DA:  “Well, okay, then.”

FI:   “The seventh grade year.  That's when the big time problems really began.”
DA:  “Uh, oh.  What happened?”

FI:   “The psychologist warned us about the possibility of an antisocial personality disorder emerging in the future.  She said that, if he didn't begin attending school, behaving better, following the rules, and choosing to get his grades up, he might, at age eighteen, be diagnosed with APD.  We tried to explain to her about his problems, but she didn't seem to understand.  She inferred that he should start to make better choices and that he should start to become more responsible.  She said she didn't really believe in labels and that it didn't matter if he had AD/HD or not, he might someday not graduate or might even end up in the legal system if he didn't change some of his ways.  She said if he had a hard time paying attention, he needed to learn to cope with it.  She even worked with him in a few sessions using Glasser's reality therapy.”
DA:  “So she actually offered him some positive choices?  How did he respond?”

FI:   “Oh, he stepped right up to the plate.  He started attending regularly, got on the Principal's Honor Roll, and got himself off probation.  They were even thinking of exiting him from special education for awhile.  He batted .342 on the baseball team, made a lot of friends, and had a lot of fun.”
DA:  “So let me get this straight... the psychologist worked with him on his difficulties, accepted no excuses, treated him with respect and dignity, helped him to solve problems and encouraged him to make important decisions in his life, and challenged him to cast off his labels and diagnosis and instead pursue positive mental health and self-responsibility, thus, empowering him!  In effect, your son was rejecting the concept of mental illness and was choosing to pursue mentally healthy pathways.  That sounds great!  And it's just what I'm recommending here in this interview.”

 “We got no choice... all the girls and boys.”
       Alice Cooper, School's Out

FI:   “Well, there was good progress at school for awhile, but you should have seen him at home.  You know that shrink even was so cruel as to suggest that I might be having a negative effect on my own son?  She offered some suggestions on parenting techniques.  Why do you shrinks want to worry about people's home life - all you should worry about is what happens at school.  You should mind your own business.  She had the gall to suggest I should quit slapping my son around whenever he messed up.”
DA:  “Hmmmm, sounds like she had a lot of nerve.”

FI:   “Like I say, we never liked her.  We had to get things back under control, so in the eighth grade year we got him out of baseball, away from other kids who were obviously a bad influence on him, and we hired a private practitioner.  It was expensive, but she was able to help.  She diagnosed a Parent-Child Relationship Problem.”
DA:  “How did that help?”

FI:   “Well, we paid a lot of money so we know it was the right diagnosis.  Plus, it helped us, as parents, understand he was an out-of-control teenager and we needed to take immediate action.”
DA:  “What action did you take?”

FI:   “We grounded him for life.”
DA:  “Whoa!  That's pretty severe.”

FI:   “Well, he needed it!  By then his AD/HD was pretty intense.  He just wouldn't listen to his parents.  A behavior specialist was able to come into the house and set up a complete token economy and a step program where every aspect of his life was controlled.”
DA:  “Was that pretty expensive?”

FI:   “Oh no, the school paid for it all.  It was about $50,000 per year throughout high school, but not to worry, the taxpayers covered it.”
DA:  “Did it work?”

FI:   “It didn't work at all, in fact, we all spent a lot of time sitting around and laughing about it all - a little grounding, restriction, and tough-love never even phased him.”
DA:  “Was there any good that ever came out of it?”

FI:   “Yeah, it made him eligible for SSI; he's covered for life.”
DA:  “Well, I'm anxious to hear about how the remaining three years of his high school career went.”

FI:   “I need to take a moment to point out how appreciative I am of the services my son received throughout his education.  Thankfully, a psychologist has been there every year for him and with only a few exceptions, we've received every diagnosis we've needed to reach our goals for him.”
DA:  “What are your goals?”

FI:   “Don't be an idiot!  Our goals are the same as all other parents - we love our son and we want only the best for him... we want him to be successful and to be able to pursue his dreams and goals.”
DA:  “Well, I'm anxious to hear how he's doing now, but I also want to hear about his last three years in high school.”

FI:   “Well, in his sophomore year he was diagnosed as mildly autistic.  We had never even suspected that one - what a bonus!  That diagnosis was so beneficial because that's when we first started to realize we could make some pretty good bucks out of all this.  His junior year, however, was pretty exciting also, with the new diagnosis of a little, uh, sexual sadism.  It's a long story, but the bottom line is they tried to expel him, but you know that can't ever happen because he's not responsible for his own actions... he can do anything he wants!  Heh, heh.  See how important and powerful these diagnosis are?  I still don't see where you're coming from - without these diagnosis, he probably would have gone to boot camp and there would be some touchy-feely shrink there trying to encourage him to choose to be a 'responsible citizen.'  Hah!  Psychobabble!”
DA:  “Uh, okay, what about his senior year?  You said it was good too.”

FI:   “It was great.  By then we had all we needed.  Since the schools had diagnosed all these problems and had never cured him, his district paid for four years of college for my son... you know, compensatory education.  It was great... and it remains great.”
DA:  “So you won a big lawsuit?”

FI:   “No, I didn't... this isn't about me, you moron.  This is about my son!  He won the big lawsuit.  By then he was eighteen.  It was his life, his education, his suffering.  My cut of the take went solely to cover my efforts during his first eighteen years.”
DA:  "So the taxpayers are paying for your son's education?  I'm assuming he continues to have some struggles?"

FI:   “Of course... Adult ADD.  Haven't you been listening?  And you know, the college better be careful, because they're not really providing all he needs.  My wife and I are thinking we might need to sue them too, because they're discriminating against my son's equal opportunity to be a theoretical astrophysicist.  They don't want to accept D's and F's in his classes as reasonable accommodations.  They simply don't understand those grades are due to his Adult ADD.”
DA:  “Well, I'm glad to hear he's at least made the choice to stay out of the legal system.”

FI:   “Well, not actually.  He's been working on his college education through the prison system... he's serving a five to ten year sentence.”
DA:  “You're going to sue the prison's educational system?”

“My head is spinning...”
      Rob Grill, Grass Roots, Temptation Eyes

FI:   “It's not what he did... it's why he did it.  He did it because, like I said, he has a diagnosed, um, bit of sexual sadism and a few drug addictions, you know, a substance abuse disorder.”
DA:  “This may sound harsh, but maybe he can learn some important life lessons through natural and logical consequences?  Maybe he'll learn not to do such things any more once he gets out.”

FI:   “This isn't about learning and responsibility and being a good citizen.”
DA:  “I guess I'm confused.  What is it about?”

FI:   “You are confused all right.  If you can't even figure that out, you ought to find a new profession.  All I can say is, thank goodness my son received early psychological diagnosis; things could have turned out really bad for him.”
DA:  “Uh, yeah.  That's good.”

FI:   “At the present, he's been struggling with visual and auditory hallucinations.  That hasn't helped.  The prison psychologist is evaluating and should be able to forward a diagnosis soon.”
DA:  “Maybe the hallucinations are the result of years of Ritalin use?”

FI:   “Are you diagnosing that?”
DA:  “No, no... just thinking out loud.”

FI:   “Okay, let's wrap this up.  Can you give me one good reason why psychological diagnosis should be removed from public education?  Just one good reason?”
DA:  “Gee, I guess I can't really think of any right now.” 

“I wish you'd help me escape, help me get away - far away from this masquerade...”
      Three Dog Night, The Show Must Go On

FI:   “Go for it!  The kids need you.”
DA:  “Thank you, it's been my privilege.”
 

“We knew right away not to expect anything good from him..”
     Donald J. Asbridge, 2005

Return to the KOG

Published Thursday, September 15th, 2005 as part of the September Monthly KOG.

The opinions expressed herein are opinion only and not necessarily the opinions of the KASP Organization.

KOG Opinions © 2005-12.  KASP.  Kern County, California, USA.  Some rights reserved.

www.kernschoolpsych.org/diagnosis.htm